I fell in love with being defiant.

Blargh, I hate rain. It's been raining here forever.

Other news: Me and Erin avoided a big fight today, and I'm very proud of us both.

For those of you who don't know Erin is my best friend and probably worst enemy. We have a dangerously co-dependent relationship that over the years has swung from massive highs to unsafe lows. We fight and hurt each other but we always veered back to each other because at the end of the day we're closer than sisters and we always feel like we need each other.

It's not really the healthiest relationship.

Well for pretty much the first half of this year we were intent on driving the other mad, fighting all the time and pretty much being as hurtful as possible. It cumulated in a huge blowout over my birthday party and we both ended up saying things we didn't mean but couldn't take back. We decided to end the friendship.

Then my mom died.

And Erin was wonderful. She was so good with me and a huge comfort the first three weeks after, before she had to leave for Hawaii where she is going to grad school. Still we text and talk quite often and have both, though not in so many words, decided to try harder.

That was the problem, we both got so comfortable in our friendship that we stopped trying, and it was the lack of effort more than anything that killed our friendship.

Today we were having a conversation via texting about my potentially coming to Hawaii in May. I mentioned that if I came in May rather than over spring break I could spend a week in Honolulu and then a week hopping the other islands. Erin mentioned she hadn't gotten to see the other islands yet and I said she could come with me if she had the time.

Erin misunderstood. She thought I didn't really want her to do it and didn't really care to have her company, that I was using her as an excuse to visit Hawaii. She got upset because she felt excluded.

I explained I hadn't meant it like that at all, and I admit my original message was worded poorly. I just didn't want to impose or take up too much of her time. She had mentioned the possibility of summer courses to me a couple days ago and I hadn't wanted her to feel like she was obligated to entertain me when she had class or work to worry about.

Before, even before things got really really bad, I would have snapped back at her, and neither of us would have bothered explaining our thought processes out. Now I feel like we try a little harder to be clearer and more understanding with each other. I'm really hopeful that our friendship is heading to a better place, and I think it will if we both manage to hold on to our admittedly bad tempers.


Other than that life is really normal, like depressingly normal.

|| The Wedding is over! OMG! i die

|| The wedding was beautiful and perfect, now let me explain my day to you all.

8 am - Wake Up, shower, do hair, make up, sew belt loop on dress, get dressed
9:20 - Leave, drive to church, eat a nutrigrain bar in car
9:55 - Arrive at Church
10 - Melissa and Hannah (bridesmaid and maid of honor respectively) ask if I can drive to Sabrina's mother's house to get the flower girl flowers that were left in the fridge. It's a half hour drive each way. The wedding starts at 11.
10:05 - I leave church and speed all the way across town
10:55 - I arrive back at church with flowers. First thing Erin says when I walk in the church, "About time! Where were you? I've had to do everything myself!" To which I reply that I had to go get the flowers (that are obviously in my hand). She rolls her eyes
11 - Wedding. So beautiful. I almost cried
11:30 - Leave church (again) and drive to reception site
12:00 - Find out I've been stuck with Erin and her friend (loser friend, it needs to be said) Tyler at a table. Luckily there are also two strangers I can talk to as well. I have my first glass of wine
12:30 - Sabrina and Jamil Arrive. They announce arrival of special guest that we have been told about since March. No one knows who this is except Sabrina and Jamil and their parents and Hannah. The guest? Abraham Lincoln. They brought in an impersonator. He gave a speech. It was epic.
1:00 - We eat. It was yummy. I have my second glass of wine.
1:45 - Cake. It was also yummy. I switch to coke.
2:00 - Toasts and speeches. I have my third glass of wine.
2:15 - First dance. Austen leaves to get in to Gorilla suit. Comes back as a gorilla in a tux jacket. I am not even joking. The reception gets even more epic when inflatables are thrown on to the dance floor. These include a bass, a dinosaur, a moose head, and a cooked turkey inflatables. We all proceed to act stupid and play 'Keep off the floor' with the inflatable turkey.
3:00ish - Becca and Hannah are thanking me for 'saving the wedding' or at least Sabrina's sanity that morning. I ask if Erin knew what I was doing. They say yes she did. I get pissed off. I have my fourth glass of wine.
3:10ish - I find Erin complaining about me not helping her in the church that morning to Sarah, who had been late to the wedding herself helping to set up the reception area and decorate the wedding cake. I snap at Erin "I was getting the flowers. You know that. It was thirty minutes to Dr. Lawler's house and then thirty minutes back! I managed to do it in 50, counting the time it took to find the flowers in the house!. I was there at 9:55, you didn't show up until 10:20, 20 minutes later than Sabrina asked you and you've been complaining about not getting to sleep in on a Saturday, so please stop acting so put upon and lying to people!" Erin gets pissy and storms off. Sarah rolls her eyes and asks me if I'm okay and says not to take Erin seriously because they all know I've done a lot more for Sabrina and for the wedding than Erin has.
3:20ish - I switch to water and then dance with Austen (still in the gorilla suit), and Daisuke (who's wearing a yukata). Erin glares at me cause Daisuke is her ex. (which might be why I danced with him)
3:40ish - Seth, Chase, and Austen seranade Sabrina and Jamil to the tune of 80's pop hit, that I can not for the life of me remember now.
3:50 - Bouqet gets tossed. Everyone unmarried (male, female, divorced, widowed whatever) has to try and catch as per Sabrina's order. Jamil's dad catches it.
4 - I leave to go home.

||In short, it was pretty much the greatest wedding I've ever been to. Erin and her self-centeredness non-withstanding. I don't know what the hell Erin's problems are but she's been getting worse and worse. Everyone has noticed. Sabrina said at her bachelorette's party that she wished she hadn't made Erin an usher and had made Sarah one instead. All Erin cares about is herself. She had the audacity to snap at Sabrina at Sabrina's reception for telling someone that Erin was vegan. She was telling Jamil's dad, who is also vegan. Erin said that Sabrina shouldn't be telling her business.

||Ugh. I've already started distancing myself from Erin because it's just not worth it anymore. I kind of can't wait for her to be gone.

|| Now, art! I haven't drawn in ages but I doodled these two things while waiting for my mom one day. They aren't very good and I drew them in a tiny 4 inch by 2 inch note book and then took photos with my phone, but still, ART!
( Cut for your convience )

|| Finally, I have a new mix up at robbing_banks. It's a mix for Moriarty from Sherlock BBC.

# Finally finished and posted that Sherlock fic. It ended up being more than 6500 words, haha. I found a truly wonderful lady to beta and brit-pick it for me. It really needed it too!

# OMG! School's almost over! *hyperventilates and dies*

# I have SO MUCH TO DO once school is over. It's all shit I've been putting of. (I've been using school as an excuse so I'll have to find a new one soon.)

1. Clean Room
2. Clean out fridge
3. Finish training at Ashland
4. Prepare for Sabrina's Wedding
5. Finish redecorating Bathroom
6. Buy new bed at Ikea (and you know, put it together)
7. Clean out closet
8. More (there is always more)

# Chinese project is going well I think. We're writing about two of director Zhang Yimou's movies, Raise the Red Lantern and Under the Hawthorn Tree. THEY ARE BOTH SO SAD!

# Me and Laurel hope to spend about 5 days in New York City this summer! OMG! It will be so much fun! I've never been. Every other major city on the East Coast I've been to but not NYC. I WILL MAKE THIS HAPPEN NO MATTER WHAT!

# Still training for interning at Ashland. I go on yet another tour tomorrow. Did you know one of Henry Clay's sons was commited to an Insane Asylum?

# ERIN IS DRIVING ME INSANE! And it's weird. I know she's not leaving till July but I already miss her. I think I miss how our friendship used to be. Now we have practically nothing in common and she stresses me out so much. I hate to say it but Erin's kinda a bad friend too. She goes on and on about her life and her problems, but I can't say anything about what stresses me out? I wonder if I'm not clinging to our friendship not for friendship's sake but for my memories.

Also: Who doesn't know what their hobbies are? I asked Erin what she likes to do and she couldn't answer me. How weird is that?

# It has been raining for 5 days. FIVE DAYS It's so depressing!

# Watched the first episode of Aoi no Exorcist. It was good. Maybe I should give the manga another go?

# Sorry to my flist for having to put up with so many rants, especially about Erin.