I fell in love with being defiant.

So you all know how I've been having problems with Erin lately. Well eventually she told my she wasn't coming to my Birthday party because she needed to pack for her move THAT'S NOT UNTIL AUGUST! We emailed back and forth (her calling my a bitch at one point) and she said she would come if it was so important to me at which point I told her not to bother because we were both clearly upset and neither of us would enjoy it.

A couple hours later I decided that enough was enough. Erin hasn't been a real friend to me in about a year. Has in fact been incredibly rude and hurtful at times. So I wrote her a message saying that I thought it would be best if we didn't hang out or talk for a while.

I made sure to state that:

1. We were both at fault
2. Neither of us were happy
3. We had grown up in to different people than we were at 11
4. I still care for her and will always love her
5. I hope we could be friends again one day
6. It wasn't a personal attack against her

She sent me back a message I can only describe as hateful (and largely untrue). The main bullet points:

1. She wasn't apologizing because she had apologized enough
- Truth: I never asked her to apologize in my letter, and I can't even remember the last time she apologized to me even though I apologized to her all the time.

2. I apparently think I never make mistakes
- Truth: I stated in my letter three times that I too was part of the problem, that it wasn't all on her

3. Finally you got the message that I was tired of you
- Truth: She's constantly inviting me to do things. Also, that's just plain mean to say

4. One of the main reasons I was keeping up with you there for awhile was because you were storing my stuff at your house
- Truth: I stored upwards of twenty-five boxes of stuff at my house for her, in the garage and my dining room, for almost two years. Free of charge. It was constantly in the way even though I assured her several times it was fine. I have never asked her for a favor of that magnitude. I once asked her to pet sit and paid her 12 dollars a day to do it.

5. I felt I could tell you my problems, but you betrayed me by telling your mom.
-Truth: I listened to her bitch and moan and whine over everything from money, to class, to her mother/boyfriends/other friends, to her eating-disorder-she-refused-to-call-an-eating-disorder, to her job, everything. When I tried to talk about my problems she refused to listen. And yeah I told my mom. Telling my mom is like telling my shrink. Plus sometimes I was concerned about her and thought getting the advice of an adult would be best.

6. I never considered you my best friend and never told you as to not hurt your feelings
- Truth: Whether she admitted it or not I was her best friend. I was the one she went to for help, and who did her favors, and listened to everything. And actually every time she got mad at me she pulled that one out.

7. You think the world owes you everything just because you are who you are
- Truth: Everything I have I either worked hard for or my parents did. Erin's parents on the other hand were losers who didn't go to college when the could have (Her mom had a full scholarship and didn't take it so she could mess around being a hippie). Erin now thinks that the government and her colleges should provide her everything because of her parents low income. I get no financial aid and no help from the school.

8. I was trying to be the mature adult and be nice to you
- Truth: One, it's not mature to be attacking me like this, and two, being a mature adult isn't about hiding your feelings but talking about them calmly and rationally.

9. I've gone through a few friend break-ups so one more isn't going to hurt me
- Truth: This was my first. And I'm actually still friends with most of the people she 'broke up' with. What does that say about her?

10. I'm sorry Sabrina's moving away, now you two can't talk about me and you'll be lonely
- Truth: Me and Sabrina don't just talk about her, she has been awful to Sabrina (who is just about the kindest person ever) and I do have several other friends at university. She wasn't my only friend by a long shot. Nice vanity there.

Later that day she sent me a message saying she was going to come to my birthday party after all because she had already been in the mindset that she was going to go (wtf does that even mean?) and didn't see my previous message as any reason not to.

I texted back that No, she's no longer invited, and I would not let her sit at the table and it would cause a scene that would embarrass us both.

She called me childish.

I responded that I was too upset to see her that night.

She said fine, but I better have a good reason to tell people why she wasn't there.

Only one person asked, I said she couldn't make it, and we didn't mention her the rest of the night.

Now I am thoroughly exhausted of her. I didn't reply to her big long hate message and still won't and this is the last time I will mention her on LJ. I don't need such a poisonous person in my life.

I feel a little better having purged all this though.

Tomorrow I'll post a normal entry with stuff about my party and other things. I just had to get this off my chest.

// It was really nice and warm for like two weeks here but then about a week ago it got cold again, dammit! It actually snowed on Saturday. I want sun, and warmth, and to wear my dresses and skirts again, cause I own a lot.

// I've been so busy with school and everything. Tests, and presentations, and papers. Ugh.

// Speaking of school I decided to add a minor of Art History. It means that it will take me another semester to graduate but I think it will be worth it. I should be graduating in Spring of '13. Only two years after I was supposed to graduate. is shot

// I feel like there were a couple of things I was supposed to be doing for people on my flist but I can't remember... If I said I was going to do something for you and haven't comment here so I'll do it.

// New mix up at robbing_banks. It's another sleep mix, mostly instrumental stuff.

// Been trying to work on a fic for Sherlock BBC. It's semi-crack and involves Sherlock turning in to a girl inexplicably. Clearly it will be humor.

// Attended Sabrina's Bridal Shower this weekend. It was a tea, so we drank tea, ate delicious scones, and were fuck-tons of classy, lol. Becca hosted it. Becca not only has two beautiful cats and a corgi, but also a hedgehog named, what else?, Sonic.

// Speaking of the wedding I still need to find a dress, argh!

// So Erin definately has an Eating disorder, but she refuses, despite what two dieticians (and me) have recommended she do, which is see a therapist. Erin believes that certain mental illnesses are just things that people should get over on their own, like OCD and Depression and Bipolar and apparently Eating Disorders. She thinks medicine (and therapy) is a crutch. I fucking hate that argument. If you have a broken leg, you use a crutch, if you have diabetes you use insulin, so what the hell is wrong with using Zoloft or Therapy if it's your mind that is ill?

She says people get dependent on it to be happy and that people should just be able to "look inside themselves" to find their happiness. What hippie bullshit. The pills don't make me happy. It's not fucking marijuana. I'm not high on Zoloft. They just make it so the rest of the world isn't crushing down on my. They allow me to see the paths toward happiness.

Maybe it's a good thing she's going to Hawaii, because honestly I'm a little tired of her. Which sounds terrible but we just don't have that much in common anymore. Plus I spend all my time worrying for her, which isn't healthy for me. I told her that I don't want to hear about her problems with Eating anymore because if she's not going to get help then that's just self-destructive behaviour and until she realizes that there is nothing I say that's going to help so I don't want to hear her bitch anymore.

When did friendship get so hard? Can we go back to being 7 and the most complicated thing about being friends was whether or not to share your cookie at lunch?