straightrhodes: (Default)
So apparently the guy who owned the car before me spilt soda on the radio and then decided to sell the car without telling the dealer. I had to buy a new stereo. Still love my car but this is kind of a downer :/

Oh well, sometimes shit happens.
straightrhodes: (text | don't keep calm)
So you all know how I've been having problems with Erin lately. Well eventually she told my she wasn't coming to my Birthday party because she needed to pack for her move THAT'S NOT UNTIL AUGUST! We emailed back and forth (her calling my a bitch at one point) and she said she would come if it was so important to me at which point I told her not to bother because we were both clearly upset and neither of us would enjoy it.

A couple hours later I decided that enough was enough. Erin hasn't been a real friend to me in about a year. Has in fact been incredibly rude and hurtful at times. So I wrote her a message saying that I thought it would be best if we didn't hang out or talk for a while.

I made sure to state that:

1. We were both at fault
2. Neither of us were happy
3. We had grown up in to different people than we were at 11
4. I still care for her and will always love her
5. I hope we could be friends again one day
6. It wasn't a personal attack against her

She sent me back a message I can only describe as hateful (and largely untrue). The main bullet points:

1. She wasn't apologizing because she had apologized enough
- Truth: I never asked her to apologize in my letter, and I can't even remember the last time she apologized to me even though I apologized to her all the time.

2. I apparently think I never make mistakes
- Truth: I stated in my letter three times that I too was part of the problem, that it wasn't all on her

3. Finally you got the message that I was tired of you
- Truth: She's constantly inviting me to do things. Also, that's just plain mean to say

4. One of the main reasons I was keeping up with you there for awhile was because you were storing my stuff at your house
- Truth: I stored upwards of twenty-five boxes of stuff at my house for her, in the garage and my dining room, for almost two years. Free of charge. It was constantly in the way even though I assured her several times it was fine. I have never asked her for a favor of that magnitude. I once asked her to pet sit and paid her 12 dollars a day to do it.

5. I felt I could tell you my problems, but you betrayed me by telling your mom.
-Truth: I listened to her bitch and moan and whine over everything from money, to class, to her mother/boyfriends/other friends, to her eating-disorder-she-refused-to-call-an-eating-disorder, to her job, everything. When I tried to talk about my problems she refused to listen. And yeah I told my mom. Telling my mom is like telling my shrink. Plus sometimes I was concerned about her and thought getting the advice of an adult would be best.

6. I never considered you my best friend and never told you as to not hurt your feelings
- Truth: Whether she admitted it or not I was her best friend. I was the one she went to for help, and who did her favors, and listened to everything. And actually every time she got mad at me she pulled that one out.

7. You think the world owes you everything just because you are who you are
- Truth: Everything I have I either worked hard for or my parents did. Erin's parents on the other hand were losers who didn't go to college when the could have (Her mom had a full scholarship and didn't take it so she could mess around being a hippie). Erin now thinks that the government and her colleges should provide her everything because of her parents low income. I get no financial aid and no help from the school.

8. I was trying to be the mature adult and be nice to you
- Truth: One, it's not mature to be attacking me like this, and two, being a mature adult isn't about hiding your feelings but talking about them calmly and rationally.

9. I've gone through a few friend break-ups so one more isn't going to hurt me
- Truth: This was my first. And I'm actually still friends with most of the people she 'broke up' with. What does that say about her?

10. I'm sorry Sabrina's moving away, now you two can't talk about me and you'll be lonely
- Truth: Me and Sabrina don't just talk about her, she has been awful to Sabrina (who is just about the kindest person ever) and I do have several other friends at university. She wasn't my only friend by a long shot. Nice vanity there.

Later that day she sent me a message saying she was going to come to my birthday party after all because she had already been in the mindset that she was going to go (wtf does that even mean?) and didn't see my previous message as any reason not to.

I texted back that No, she's no longer invited, and I would not let her sit at the table and it would cause a scene that would embarrass us both.

She called me childish.

I responded that I was too upset to see her that night.

She said fine, but I better have a good reason to tell people why she wasn't there.

Only one person asked, I said she couldn't make it, and we didn't mention her the rest of the night.

Now I am thoroughly exhausted of her. I didn't reply to her big long hate message and still won't and this is the last time I will mention her on LJ. I don't need such a poisonous person in my life.

I feel a little better having purged all this though.

Tomorrow I'll post a normal entry with stuff about my party and other things. I just had to get this off my chest.

Urgh

Jun. 3rd, 2011 06:33 pm
straightrhodes: (text | f*ck is always apropos)
So sorry I haven't posted in so long! But I come baring excuses reasons:

1. On the way home from Mamaw's someone stole my wallet out of my car at a shell station in Tennesee. SOMEONE STOLE MY FUCKING WALLET! Everything just gone! 100 dollars cash, all my credit cards, my debit card, my id, my uni id, everything.

2. So I've been trying to replace all of it and in the meantime all I can do is bum my mother's debit card whenever I need anything.

3. Hung out with Laurel before she left to start her internship. We saw Source Code which is actually really, really good. I was surprised how interesting it was. We also discussed our plans to go to New York City in August (which will be incredibly, awfully hot but is the only time we both have free).

4. Still trying to work things out at Ashland for my internship. The wallet fiasco distracted me.

5. I am tired. Just tired. I will try to have a better post up soon.
straightrhodes: (Default)
|| The Wedding is over! OMG! i die

|| The wedding was beautiful and perfect, now let me explain my day to you all.

8 am - Wake Up, shower, do hair, make up, sew belt loop on dress, get dressed
9:20 - Leave, drive to church, eat a nutrigrain bar in car
9:55 - Arrive at Church
10 - Melissa and Hannah (bridesmaid and maid of honor respectively) ask if I can drive to Sabrina's mother's house to get the flower girl flowers that were left in the fridge. It's a half hour drive each way. The wedding starts at 11.
10:05 - I leave church and speed all the way across town
10:55 - I arrive back at church with flowers. First thing Erin says when I walk in the church, "About time! Where were you? I've had to do everything myself!" To which I reply that I had to go get the flowers (that are obviously in my hand). She rolls her eyes
11 - Wedding. So beautiful. I almost cried
11:30 - Leave church (again) and drive to reception site
12:00 - Find out I've been stuck with Erin and her friend (loser friend, it needs to be said) Tyler at a table. Luckily there are also two strangers I can talk to as well. I have my first glass of wine
12:30 - Sabrina and Jamil Arrive. They announce arrival of special guest that we have been told about since March. No one knows who this is except Sabrina and Jamil and their parents and Hannah. The guest? Abraham Lincoln. They brought in an impersonator. He gave a speech. It was epic.
1:00 - We eat. It was yummy. I have my second glass of wine.
1:45 - Cake. It was also yummy. I switch to coke.
2:00 - Toasts and speeches. I have my third glass of wine.
2:15 - First dance. Austen leaves to get in to Gorilla suit. Comes back as a gorilla in a tux jacket. I am not even joking. The reception gets even more epic when inflatables are thrown on to the dance floor. These include a bass, a dinosaur, a moose head, and a cooked turkey inflatables. We all proceed to act stupid and play 'Keep off the floor' with the inflatable turkey.
3:00ish - Becca and Hannah are thanking me for 'saving the wedding' or at least Sabrina's sanity that morning. I ask if Erin knew what I was doing. They say yes she did. I get pissed off. I have my fourth glass of wine.
3:10ish - I find Erin complaining about me not helping her in the church that morning to Sarah, who had been late to the wedding herself helping to set up the reception area and decorate the wedding cake. I snap at Erin "I was getting the flowers. You know that. It was thirty minutes to Dr. Lawler's house and then thirty minutes back! I managed to do it in 50, counting the time it took to find the flowers in the house!. I was there at 9:55, you didn't show up until 10:20, 20 minutes later than Sabrina asked you and you've been complaining about not getting to sleep in on a Saturday, so please stop acting so put upon and lying to people!" Erin gets pissy and storms off. Sarah rolls her eyes and asks me if I'm okay and says not to take Erin seriously because they all know I've done a lot more for Sabrina and for the wedding than Erin has.
3:20ish - I switch to water and then dance with Austen (still in the gorilla suit), and Daisuke (who's wearing a yukata). Erin glares at me cause Daisuke is her ex. (which might be why I danced with him)
3:40ish - Seth, Chase, and Austen seranade Sabrina and Jamil to the tune of 80's pop hit, that I can not for the life of me remember now.
3:50 - Bouqet gets tossed. Everyone unmarried (male, female, divorced, widowed whatever) has to try and catch as per Sabrina's order. Jamil's dad catches it.
4 - I leave to go home.

||In short, it was pretty much the greatest wedding I've ever been to. Erin and her self-centeredness non-withstanding. I don't know what the hell Erin's problems are but she's been getting worse and worse. Everyone has noticed. Sabrina said at her bachelorette's party that she wished she hadn't made Erin an usher and had made Sarah one instead. All Erin cares about is herself. She had the audacity to snap at Sabrina at Sabrina's reception for telling someone that Erin was vegan. She was telling Jamil's dad, who is also vegan. Erin said that Sabrina shouldn't be telling her business.

||Ugh. I've already started distancing myself from Erin because it's just not worth it anymore. I kind of can't wait for her to be gone.

|| Now, art! I haven't drawn in ages but I doodled these two things while waiting for my mom one day. They aren't very good and I drew them in a tiny 4 inch by 2 inch note book and then took photos with my phone, but still, ART!
Cut for your convience )

|| Finally, I have a new mix up at [livejournal.com profile] robbing_banks. It's a mix for Moriarty from Sherlock BBC.
straightrhodes: (khr | get off my lawn!)
# Finally finished and posted that Sherlock fic. It ended up being more than 6500 words, haha. I found a truly wonderful lady to beta and brit-pick it for me. It really needed it too!

# OMG! School's almost over! *hyperventilates and dies*

# I have SO MUCH TO DO once school is over. It's all shit I've been putting of. (I've been using school as an excuse so I'll have to find a new one soon.)

1. Clean Room
2. Clean out fridge
3. Finish training at Ashland
4. Prepare for Sabrina's Wedding
5. Finish redecorating Bathroom
6. Buy new bed at Ikea (and you know, put it together)
7. Clean out closet
8. More (there is always more)

# Chinese project is going well I think. We're writing about two of director Zhang Yimou's movies, Raise the Red Lantern and Under the Hawthorn Tree. THEY ARE BOTH SO SAD!

# Me and Laurel hope to spend about 5 days in New York City this summer! OMG! It will be so much fun! I've never been. Every other major city on the East Coast I've been to but not NYC. I WILL MAKE THIS HAPPEN NO MATTER WHAT!

# Still training for interning at Ashland. I go on yet another tour tomorrow. Did you know one of Henry Clay's sons was commited to an Insane Asylum?

# ERIN IS DRIVING ME INSANE! And it's weird. I know she's not leaving till July but I already miss her. I think I miss how our friendship used to be. Now we have practically nothing in common and she stresses me out so much. I hate to say it but Erin's kinda a bad friend too. She goes on and on about her life and her problems, but I can't say anything about what stresses me out? I wonder if I'm not clinging to our friendship not for friendship's sake but for my memories.

Also: Who doesn't know what their hobbies are? I asked Erin what she likes to do and she couldn't answer me. How weird is that?

# It has been raining for 5 days. FIVE DAYS It's so depressing!

# Watched the first episode of Aoi no Exorcist. It was good. Maybe I should give the manga another go?

# Sorry to my flist for having to put up with so many rants, especially about Erin.
straightrhodes: (F*ck is always apropos)
// It was really nice and warm for like two weeks here but then about a week ago it got cold again, dammit! It actually snowed on Saturday. I want sun, and warmth, and to wear my dresses and skirts again, cause I own a lot.

// I've been so busy with school and everything. Tests, and presentations, and papers. Ugh.

// Speaking of school I decided to add a minor of Art History. It means that it will take me another semester to graduate but I think it will be worth it. I should be graduating in Spring of '13. Only two years after I was supposed to graduate. is shot

// I feel like there were a couple of things I was supposed to be doing for people on my flist but I can't remember... If I said I was going to do something for you and haven't comment here so I'll do it.

// New mix up at [livejournal.com profile] robbing_banks. It's another sleep mix, mostly instrumental stuff.

// Been trying to work on a fic for Sherlock BBC. It's semi-crack and involves Sherlock turning in to a girl inexplicably. Clearly it will be humor.

// Attended Sabrina's Bridal Shower this weekend. It was a tea, so we drank tea, ate delicious scones, and were fuck-tons of classy, lol. Becca hosted it. Becca not only has two beautiful cats and a corgi, but also a hedgehog named, what else?, Sonic.

// Speaking of the wedding I still need to find a dress, argh!

// So Erin definately has an Eating disorder, but she refuses, despite what two dieticians (and me) have recommended she do, which is see a therapist. Erin believes that certain mental illnesses are just things that people should get over on their own, like OCD and Depression and Bipolar and apparently Eating Disorders. She thinks medicine (and therapy) is a crutch. I fucking hate that argument. If you have a broken leg, you use a crutch, if you have diabetes you use insulin, so what the hell is wrong with using Zoloft or Therapy if it's your mind that is ill?

She says people get dependent on it to be happy and that people should just be able to "look inside themselves" to find their happiness. What hippie bullshit. The pills don't make me happy. It's not fucking marijuana. I'm not high on Zoloft. They just make it so the rest of the world isn't crushing down on my. They allow me to see the paths toward happiness.

Maybe it's a good thing she's going to Hawaii, because honestly I'm a little tired of her. Which sounds terrible but we just don't have that much in common anymore. Plus I spend all my time worrying for her, which isn't healthy for me. I told her that I don't want to hear about her problems with Eating anymore because if she's not going to get help then that's just self-destructive behaviour and until she realizes that there is nothing I say that's going to help so I don't want to hear her bitch anymore.

When did friendship get so hard? Can we go back to being 7 and the most complicated thing about being friends was whether or not to share your cookie at lunch?
straightrhodes: (One of Those Days)
That trip I was so excited about? 6 weeks in Japan? It's been cancelled. No explanation why, just a note from the advisor of the Japan study abroad programs "regretfully informing" us that's its cancelled and the see him to talk about alternative programs.

THERE ARE NO FUCKING ALTERNATIVE PROGRAMS FOR ME Most of the other programs either cost twice as much or require a GPA I don't have or both. The only one that doesn't goes to some dirt poor village in the middle of Nowhere Fucking Mexico teaching little brats English. The only Spanish I speak? Enchilada and Taco.

This was the only time I had for study abroad and now it's just not going to happen.

I want to cry. I have been crying. Shit, I'm tearing up now.

I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with me summer now. Probably work, if I can find a job, which is doubtful. The only places hiring in Lexington is Wal-Mart and I'd rather put a fucking bullet in my brain before I ever work in that cesspool.

When I told my mom she said "We'll come up with something." No we won't. My parents were going to scrounge and scrape and borrow if need be for me to go on this program. They wouldn't do that for anything less than school. Then she suggested going "out west" which means driving around the middle of fucking nowhere Montana looking at dirt and trees and mountains. No. Just No. I don't Nature I want Cities, and Culture, and Art, and Excitement. My mom wants to go out west, she's been trying to cajole us in to it for years now.

Shit. Now I'm full-blown crying.

So most likely what will happen is I'll spend this summer doing nothing. Just like I did last summer. I'll visit my Mamaw in (again) middle of fucking nowhere North Carolina. Where I'll have to listen to her bitch at me to do things like mop her floors and vaccum her rugs and put up with her correcting my perfectly fine driving. (You go 45 in a 50 zone and you're driving too fast for her). No internet, no cell phone, no civilization, just basic satellite tv. Then I'll go up to Cape Cod, which I've only done for the las 21 years of my life. Where I'll get to put up with my Dad's family, listen to my mom bitch about my dad's family, explain to my dad that I just don't do swimming in the ocean (or a lake or a pool), and basically spend two weeks without internet (again) and trying to convince my dad to do something. We'll spend one day in Boston doing what I want and Shopping (because we are always there for my birthday, so instead of getting drunk with my friends at a club I'll be having a stuffy dinner with my 98 year old grandfather), then we'll come home. And I will continue to wallow until School starts back up.

Shit. I know I'm probably blowing this way out of proportion. I'm just so sad, and angry, and dissapointed. And you know what, I'm jealous. Of all my friends that have gotten to do study abroad, because I can honestly say that three/fourths of them have. All my friends are leaving at the end of this semester too. Going to Grad school or to get a job, but not me. I'm not graduating on time so I'm just going to stay in fucking Lexington. I hate Lexington. There is nothing here. Honestly nothing. I was excited when we got a Sephora, so that should tell you the state of the shopping around here. There is very little club scene, which I'm not in to anyway. No museums, little theater. There's horse racing two months out of the year but I just don't care. And there's basketball, one of the worst sports around to watch, I could put up with Baseball, but our minor league team sucks.

God this has turned in to an awfully long rant. I'm sorry. I guess I just needed to vent. I also need sad music. Apparently I have none.

Also: I'd hate to know what I'd feel like if I weren't on anti-depressants.

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