straightrhodes: (sherlock | waste of make-up)
|| Fuck I'm sick. Went to the walk in clinic today and found out I have sinusitis, which sounds fancier than sinus infection.

|| I updated The Florid Florist on Tuesday? I think it was Tuesday. The next segment is not coming along at all. I can't quite get the characters to say what I want. Well, mostly it's Harvey. Harvey you bastard.

|| I'm probably going to end up going with Dad to pick out a headstone tomorrow. This is something I am not looking forward to at all. Even though it's been three months since my mom died I haven't been to the grave once since the funeral. I feel bad about it but just the idea of it makes me want to burst in to tears.

Still, I guess I should man up and just do it. I also wanted to get some bulbs planted since our cemetery lets you plant flowers at the grave sites but I'm unsure now if it's too late in the year or not. I messaged Sabrina (My friend studying Botany) but she's notoriously bad at responding to messages so who knows when I'll get a reply. I was thinking Daffodils and other Narcissus plants.

|| I got The Sims Pets a couple of days ago. The pets are so cute, omg. I haven't had much time to play it yet but it sure looks pretty, lol.

Edit OMG I THINK MY EX IS FLIRTING WITH ME OVER FACEBOOK. WHAT DO I DO?!?!?!
straightrhodes: (suits | #ican't)
|| How long has it been since I posted? I don't even remember.

|| I've been really busy the past few weeks, what with school and trying to figure out all the bills from my mom dying. THERE IS SO MUCH FREAKING PAPERWORK WHEN SOMEONE DIES!

|| Some good news: I'm going to SugoiCon again this year. It's in a couple of weeks. I'm really looking forward to it, even if I don't have any plans to cosplay this year. I can't wear what I wore last time because the suit I wore for that is the suit I wore to my mom's funeral, and now it's kinda the funeral suit. Which is really stupid I know, but I can't help but feel that it has funeral cooties or something. WHATEVER, THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE AN EXCITING THING! Somehow I manage to turn everything back to my mom is dead. Ugh.

|| Some even better news: May 2012 I will be in Hawaii for two weeks! That's right! Two weeks of sand, surf, and sun! wait, I don't actually like any of those things WHO CARES! IT'S MOTHERFUCKING HAWAII!

I'm actually going to visit Erin, my BFF who moved there for grad school. But while I'm there she's gonna take off work and we're gonna island hop and have fun!

I'm so ridiculously excited about this I can't even- I only have like 7 months to decide what I want to do there! is shot

|| Speaking of Hawaii: I ended up marathoning Hawaii Five-0 season 1. Yeah, it's awesome. Yeah, it's fucking gorgeous. Yeah, I hate the way it ended. Yeah, I kinda ship Danny/Steve. ummm, how can you not?

I'm kinda scared to watch the new season though because I heard it's really different and not as good. Like, all the banter and bromance and humor from S1 is just gone. Someone said it was like they got all new writers who never even saw the first season.

What should I do? *wibbles*

|| My flower!AU for Suits has turned kinda Epic. It's at like 18K words already. I fully expect it to hit 30K before I'm done with it. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME? This was supposed to be a short meme fill to get me back in to the swing of writing. I also don't update it as often as I should. Oh well.

|| Injury Updates: My Coccyx turned out to be fractured in the accident, but there is nothing the doctors can do, so I just get the joy of sitting on a broken ass all day. Yay! Not. And it turns out I tore the meniscus in my right knee. If the physical therapy I'm doing doesn't fix it I might have to have surgery.

The wreck was the accident that keeps on giving. Except I don't like these gifts.

|| So what's up with everyone else?
straightrhodes: (text | true story yo!)
// I had a nightmare Wednesday night that was just awful. I dreamed about being in the emergency room after the accident, but instead of just my mom dying, my dad and brother were dead too. It's managed to really freak me and left me so unbalanced. I actually left my phone in Whitehall (the main classroom building at my university). Luckily a girl found it and called my dad who asked her to bring it to his office (he works at my university).

// I've had some trouble with my writing because of the nightmare. I feel bad about not updating The Florid Florist the past couple of days but I just can't focus on my writing. I think I'll be able to write tomorrow though. If I'm not too busy. I actually have a lot to do tomorrow.

// School wise I'm doing well. I'm rocking at Italian. I got 102% on our first test and I'm pretty sure I got an A on the second one that we took Thursday.

// Time for a meme! yay!

>>>>> Reply to this post and I will pick five of your userpics for you to talk about in your journal. And others will do the same and this will create a never-ending loop of icon squee, etc, etc, let's talk about ICONS.



[livejournal.com profile] acquiescence_ picked out these icons for me:


- I made this one! It's from Kuroshitsuji. Honestly it's one of the funniest scenes in the manga, I think. Poor Sebastian. He loves kitties, but they don't love him~
- PIKACHU! Who doesn't love Pikachu? He's adorable! I was actually big in to Pokemon back when it first came out. I was like 9 or so then? I especially like this Pikachu drawing because he's so adorable pudgy. I WANT TO PINCH HE'S LITTLE CHEEKS!
- THE OLD SPICE GUY! WITH A MONOCLE! How can you not love the old spice guy? And also monocles.
- LOL. Saito's face. I love it. Honestly Saito was once of my favorite characters in this movie. He was such a BAMF. OH SAITO, YOU AND YOUR MONEY AND BUYING AIRLINES AND SKEPTICAL!EYEBROWS.
- MOZZIE! He's my favorite White Collar character. Which is kinda ridiculous but whatevs. Mozzie's the shit, yo! I just love his expression here, he's all 'Don't think I'm not on to you.'

Welcome!

Sep. 11th, 2011 09:48 pm
straightrhodes: (wc | high five!)
// I want to welcome [livejournal.com profile] dancy_dreamer, [livejournal.com profile] acquiescence_, [livejournal.com profile] biodarkness, [livejournal.com profile] ladyknightanka, and [livejournal.com profile] oddlyfamiliar from the Suits Friending Meme. Enjoy my journal full of school bitching and fandom stuff, yay!

// Speaking of Suits - Why am I so obsessed with you? Besides the fact you're awesome. And Donna. Can't forget Donna. But seriously if you're on my F-list and don't watch this show what are you waiting for? GO WATCH IT I still can't believe the season is ending after only 12 episodes. SO UNFAIR And we have to wait a YEAR for more. It's like Sherlock BBC all over again. MAKING ME FALL IN LOVE AND THEN BREAKING MY HEART! or in Suits-speak IT'S LIKE MY SOUL HURTS

// Yeah, I'm pretty damn obsessed with this show. I've actually managed to write for it and everything!!! I'm so excited!!! It's the first time since my mom died that I feel motivated to write AND I DIDN'T EVEN HATE IT WHEN I WAS DONE! The story is below this entry. I also have a WIP up at the Meme too. It's a florist!AU and I'm afraid I've bitten off quite a bit with it, but I'm having fun. I'm actually having fun with my writing again.

// Real life stuff! I've decided to drop from full time student to part time this semester. I just can't handle a full course load right now. My emotions are all over the place. I almost broke my cell phone because it wouldn't send a text message yesterday. I went from perfectly fine to APOCALYPTIC RAGE in about .5 seconds flat.

// Now for something more fun. I'M GOING TO SUGOICON AGAIN THIS YEAR! YAY! Got the room booked already and everything. I think I'm going to need something just fun to look forward to.

// I need a new profile code but I'm too lazy~ to make my own. Any suggestions of comms to find some?

// I really want to start playing an MMORPG again, but I don't know which I should try. I also thought about just trying a regular RPG for PC. Any suggestions?

// I think this is the best I've felt since Mom died.
straightrhodes: (wc | coffee timez)
God, I fucking suck. I'm sorry I have so totally failed when it comes to posting and commenting and shit. I actually do usually read everyone's entries, but something about commenting or even replying to my own comments just seems so hard. Which is so utterly ridiculous. Somehow just getting up the motivation to do anything that requires putting my thoughts down in coherent words is completely beyond me it seems.

That segues nicely in to my topic: grieving fucking sucks. You know that five stages of grief idea? Yeah, that's complete and utter bullshit. DON'T BELIEVE IT~

I'll tell you how grief works.

You'll be completely fine one minute, and then you're totally blindsided by this overwhelming feeling of sad. It's not even sorrow because that's the first couple weeks when everything in the world makes you cry. This isn't sharp like that. Just a bone deep feeling of sadness that's always waiting for a quiet moment to sneak up and wrap around your heart so all you feel is 'I miss them. I hate this. I wish they were here.'. So you never want those quiet moments. You try to stay busy and distracted because if you sit and you think you just get drowned in all these feelings.

Feelings suck.

And you know, sometimes it still doesn't seem real. And it's not denial. I know it's real and she's gone and I'm never going to see her again or talk to her again or hug her again.

The days just keep marching on and before you even realize it you're building a new life without them because it never stops even when they're gone.

Shit. I didn't mean for this to be all about my mom again.

So since I'm having such trouble with my writing I'm thinking about trying to write for some of the Kink Memes that are around. I probably would not be writing the actual kinky stuff, because I think I would die of spontaneous combustion should I try, but maybe trying to write short little things for prompts will get me back in the creative mood. Do any of you have any prompts for me? I'll write for Suits, Sherlock, White Collar, KHR, and a handful of other things. Mostly Gen.

School is going well. I'm liking Italian, even if I can't roll my r's.

I'll be going to SugoiCon in November. I just booked my room. I'm so excited but I'm not sure I'll be cosplaying this year.
straightrhodes: (anatomy | skeleton back)
Holy cheese logs! Has it really been so long since I last posted? *checks lj* Yes, yes it has.

Oops.

So my trip to New York was amazing and wonderful and also very hot and humid. But I'm used to that seeing as I LIVE IN THE SWEAT LODGE KNOWN AS KENTUCKY! sorry it's just really hot here today

I'll make a separate post about my trip once I get my photos ready. And this time I mean it! probably

In other news: Classes started today. I only have Italian on Monday/Wednesday, it looks much easier than Japanese. Tomorrow I have Italian (it's a m/t/w/r class), Art of Edo Era Japan, Art of the Enlightenment, and Art Objects of Asia. Too many classes in one day! I'm not sure why but all the art history classes are on t/r for some reason.

I think I'm going to like this semester. Dr. Allaire is the Italian teacher and she was really nice when I talked to her about potentially having panic attacks in class and needing to leave. Dr. Maske teaches two of my other classes and he's really nice and likes me. I don't know the last person but it's hard to imagine she won't be understanding.

Music: Obsessing over Christina Perri atm. Also working on a Sherlock/John mix

Writing: So before the accident I had some stuff. That stuff vanished along with the hard drive I had it on, probably lying in pieces on the Ohio interstate. Now I can't write anything that is not COMPLETE AND UTTER SHIT! It's like all my inspiration and motivation has flown out the window! I guess that's not surprising with everything that's happened though.

Mom Stuff: Still missing mom of course. I could almost swear I feel sadder now than I did before, but I'm sure that's not true. This Saturday is my parents anniversary, the first since she died. I don't think my dad will handle it well. We'll probably take flowers to the grave. I'll cry. Dad'll cry. My brother'll cry. God, when do things start getting better?
straightrhodes: (misc | megane)
Jeez LJ has sucked shriveled old balls the past few days. Trying to post anything has been a bitch and a half, so I gave up, lol.

About Me:

I'm doing well. My scrapes and bruises are healing quite fast. However I bruised my coccyx and that's just a pain in the ass. Ba-dum-cha. (Terrible jokes are my way of coping.)

Emotionally I'm, well not okay exactly but not terribly depressed either. I'm sad, obviously, but it's not depression. After so many years dealing with it I can tell the difference. I don't feel hopeless or lethargic or like I can't laugh or be happy. I just miss my mom. I want to talk to her. That's what I miss most, talking with her. We talked everyday no matter where we were. Even when I was in Japan we talked every single night. I could tell her anything. I don't have anyone like that now. Other than that it's all the lost possibilities that get to me. She'll never see me graduate or get a real job or get married or buy a house or have kids. Never see my kids do those things.

In other news I've been trying to go out and do things, especially with my friends. That seems to shock people. So does the fact I'm not crying ten times a day. Ok, yeah, I could stay in bed all day and cry, I could. But that's not going to help me feel better, and it's not what my mom would want. Plus I don't see where anyone else gets off telling me how I should grieve for my mom.

So far I've seen two movies in theatres the past two weeks;

1. Captain America - Awesome movie, even though it does feel like a prequel (it basically is).
2. Horrible Bosses - OMG I laughed so hard. I haven't laughed this hard since, I don't even remember. Excellent movie. I would say it's not for anyone under 16 though. Heed that R rating!

Tomorrow I see two more movies at the drive in: Cowboys & Aliens and Bridesmaids (yeah, I don't know why they're pairing those two but since I wanted to see them both and the drive in is cheap, meh)

I've also gone out for dinner a couple times and I might go see the Black Lips in concert on Tuesday, might.

Trying to plan the rest of my New York trip too. Any ideas?

Fandom wise I have been out of the loop. Need to get caught up on everything, except for the awesomeness that is Burn Notice and my newest obsession Suits. And those are only because On Demand tv exists, lol.

EDIT: I forgot, new mix up at [livejournal.com profile] robbing_banks. It's titled Death (& what comes after)

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