straightrhodes: (text | don't keep calm)
So you all know how I've been having problems with Erin lately. Well eventually she told my she wasn't coming to my Birthday party because she needed to pack for her move THAT'S NOT UNTIL AUGUST! We emailed back and forth (her calling my a bitch at one point) and she said she would come if it was so important to me at which point I told her not to bother because we were both clearly upset and neither of us would enjoy it.

A couple hours later I decided that enough was enough. Erin hasn't been a real friend to me in about a year. Has in fact been incredibly rude and hurtful at times. So I wrote her a message saying that I thought it would be best if we didn't hang out or talk for a while.

I made sure to state that:

1. We were both at fault
2. Neither of us were happy
3. We had grown up in to different people than we were at 11
4. I still care for her and will always love her
5. I hope we could be friends again one day
6. It wasn't a personal attack against her

She sent me back a message I can only describe as hateful (and largely untrue). The main bullet points:

1. She wasn't apologizing because she had apologized enough
- Truth: I never asked her to apologize in my letter, and I can't even remember the last time she apologized to me even though I apologized to her all the time.

2. I apparently think I never make mistakes
- Truth: I stated in my letter three times that I too was part of the problem, that it wasn't all on her

3. Finally you got the message that I was tired of you
- Truth: She's constantly inviting me to do things. Also, that's just plain mean to say

4. One of the main reasons I was keeping up with you there for awhile was because you were storing my stuff at your house
- Truth: I stored upwards of twenty-five boxes of stuff at my house for her, in the garage and my dining room, for almost two years. Free of charge. It was constantly in the way even though I assured her several times it was fine. I have never asked her for a favor of that magnitude. I once asked her to pet sit and paid her 12 dollars a day to do it.

5. I felt I could tell you my problems, but you betrayed me by telling your mom.
-Truth: I listened to her bitch and moan and whine over everything from money, to class, to her mother/boyfriends/other friends, to her eating-disorder-she-refused-to-call-an-eating-disorder, to her job, everything. When I tried to talk about my problems she refused to listen. And yeah I told my mom. Telling my mom is like telling my shrink. Plus sometimes I was concerned about her and thought getting the advice of an adult would be best.

6. I never considered you my best friend and never told you as to not hurt your feelings
- Truth: Whether she admitted it or not I was her best friend. I was the one she went to for help, and who did her favors, and listened to everything. And actually every time she got mad at me she pulled that one out.

7. You think the world owes you everything just because you are who you are
- Truth: Everything I have I either worked hard for or my parents did. Erin's parents on the other hand were losers who didn't go to college when the could have (Her mom had a full scholarship and didn't take it so she could mess around being a hippie). Erin now thinks that the government and her colleges should provide her everything because of her parents low income. I get no financial aid and no help from the school.

8. I was trying to be the mature adult and be nice to you
- Truth: One, it's not mature to be attacking me like this, and two, being a mature adult isn't about hiding your feelings but talking about them calmly and rationally.

9. I've gone through a few friend break-ups so one more isn't going to hurt me
- Truth: This was my first. And I'm actually still friends with most of the people she 'broke up' with. What does that say about her?

10. I'm sorry Sabrina's moving away, now you two can't talk about me and you'll be lonely
- Truth: Me and Sabrina don't just talk about her, she has been awful to Sabrina (who is just about the kindest person ever) and I do have several other friends at university. She wasn't my only friend by a long shot. Nice vanity there.

Later that day she sent me a message saying she was going to come to my birthday party after all because she had already been in the mindset that she was going to go (wtf does that even mean?) and didn't see my previous message as any reason not to.

I texted back that No, she's no longer invited, and I would not let her sit at the table and it would cause a scene that would embarrass us both.

She called me childish.

I responded that I was too upset to see her that night.

She said fine, but I better have a good reason to tell people why she wasn't there.

Only one person asked, I said she couldn't make it, and we didn't mention her the rest of the night.

Now I am thoroughly exhausted of her. I didn't reply to her big long hate message and still won't and this is the last time I will mention her on LJ. I don't need such a poisonous person in my life.

I feel a little better having purged all this though.

Tomorrow I'll post a normal entry with stuff about my party and other things. I just had to get this off my chest.

Urgh

Jun. 3rd, 2011 06:33 pm
straightrhodes: (text | f*ck is always apropos)
So sorry I haven't posted in so long! But I come baring excuses reasons:

1. On the way home from Mamaw's someone stole my wallet out of my car at a shell station in Tennesee. SOMEONE STOLE MY FUCKING WALLET! Everything just gone! 100 dollars cash, all my credit cards, my debit card, my id, my uni id, everything.

2. So I've been trying to replace all of it and in the meantime all I can do is bum my mother's debit card whenever I need anything.

3. Hung out with Laurel before she left to start her internship. We saw Source Code which is actually really, really good. I was surprised how interesting it was. We also discussed our plans to go to New York City in August (which will be incredibly, awfully hot but is the only time we both have free).

4. Still trying to work things out at Ashland for my internship. The wallet fiasco distracted me.

5. I am tired. Just tired. I will try to have a better post up soon.
straightrhodes: (Don't Keep Calm)
// Having to type this up on my mom's laptop because mine finally crashed it's last crash.

// Luckily I backup all my shit two days ago cause my laptop was being super glitchy and I was afraid this might happen.

// However I already bought a new one! 320GB hard driver, Intel-Pentium Dual Core P2600 processor, 4GB ram. And it was only $430 on sale, yay! My mom bought it for me cause she's still feeling bad I won't get to go to Japan, plus she recognizes that it is vital for school. I pick it up at the store tomorrow, yay!

// Moving everything will be such a pain. I may have to redownload some programs too.

// I'm sure I lost some things but I probably won't know what for awhile, haha.

// How am I going to move my Sims 3 stuff? Hmmm.
straightrhodes: (One of Those Days)
That trip I was so excited about? 6 weeks in Japan? It's been cancelled. No explanation why, just a note from the advisor of the Japan study abroad programs "regretfully informing" us that's its cancelled and the see him to talk about alternative programs.

THERE ARE NO FUCKING ALTERNATIVE PROGRAMS FOR ME Most of the other programs either cost twice as much or require a GPA I don't have or both. The only one that doesn't goes to some dirt poor village in the middle of Nowhere Fucking Mexico teaching little brats English. The only Spanish I speak? Enchilada and Taco.

This was the only time I had for study abroad and now it's just not going to happen.

I want to cry. I have been crying. Shit, I'm tearing up now.

I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with me summer now. Probably work, if I can find a job, which is doubtful. The only places hiring in Lexington is Wal-Mart and I'd rather put a fucking bullet in my brain before I ever work in that cesspool.

When I told my mom she said "We'll come up with something." No we won't. My parents were going to scrounge and scrape and borrow if need be for me to go on this program. They wouldn't do that for anything less than school. Then she suggested going "out west" which means driving around the middle of fucking nowhere Montana looking at dirt and trees and mountains. No. Just No. I don't Nature I want Cities, and Culture, and Art, and Excitement. My mom wants to go out west, she's been trying to cajole us in to it for years now.

Shit. Now I'm full-blown crying.

So most likely what will happen is I'll spend this summer doing nothing. Just like I did last summer. I'll visit my Mamaw in (again) middle of fucking nowhere North Carolina. Where I'll have to listen to her bitch at me to do things like mop her floors and vaccum her rugs and put up with her correcting my perfectly fine driving. (You go 45 in a 50 zone and you're driving too fast for her). No internet, no cell phone, no civilization, just basic satellite tv. Then I'll go up to Cape Cod, which I've only done for the las 21 years of my life. Where I'll get to put up with my Dad's family, listen to my mom bitch about my dad's family, explain to my dad that I just don't do swimming in the ocean (or a lake or a pool), and basically spend two weeks without internet (again) and trying to convince my dad to do something. We'll spend one day in Boston doing what I want and Shopping (because we are always there for my birthday, so instead of getting drunk with my friends at a club I'll be having a stuffy dinner with my 98 year old grandfather), then we'll come home. And I will continue to wallow until School starts back up.

Shit. I know I'm probably blowing this way out of proportion. I'm just so sad, and angry, and dissapointed. And you know what, I'm jealous. Of all my friends that have gotten to do study abroad, because I can honestly say that three/fourths of them have. All my friends are leaving at the end of this semester too. Going to Grad school or to get a job, but not me. I'm not graduating on time so I'm just going to stay in fucking Lexington. I hate Lexington. There is nothing here. Honestly nothing. I was excited when we got a Sephora, so that should tell you the state of the shopping around here. There is very little club scene, which I'm not in to anyway. No museums, little theater. There's horse racing two months out of the year but I just don't care. And there's basketball, one of the worst sports around to watch, I could put up with Baseball, but our minor league team sucks.

God this has turned in to an awfully long rant. I'm sorry. I guess I just needed to vent. I also need sad music. Apparently I have none.

Also: I'd hate to know what I'd feel like if I weren't on anti-depressants.
straightrhodes: (One of Those Days)
I'm wrecking everything. I've been put back on academic probation. This is like the 3rd time since I started going to Uni. I think I'm seriously messed up in the head because everything will start perfectly fine, but next thing I know I sabotage myself and my grades instantly tank.

I've really managed to screw things up and waste a lot of my parents money.

Plus the new semester starts Wednesday and I still haven't completed all my course work for last semester.

And I got a D, a fucking D, in Anth. Theory. Luckily I can retake it, hopefully with a different teacher who is not nearly so much of a total bitch.

I'm hoping the work me and my doctor have done to regulate my medicine will help everything, but I know part of the problem lies with me, not just my anxiety and depression.

In good news I'm going to D.C. the 23rd through the 25th. If nothing else I have that to look forward to.
straightrhodes: (Default)
I'm sick. We are talking 101 degree fever, hacking up mucus, can't move sick. It's not pleseant. I missed a test yesterday that I'll now have to make up. Ugh.

Went to the doctor Thursday. Got medicine for an ear infection I didn't know I had before the sickness above even started. Also quadrupled my anti-depressent and got prescribed valium, yay! (not) I'm supposed to carry the valium with me in case of panic attacks, so I need to go buy a pretty pillbox. Think I'll check that vintage store I love.

At least I worked things out with three of my teachers to get extensions so I don't have to try and do everything at once anymore.
straightrhodes: (Get Off My Lawn!)
I know I'm on a little break BUT MY STUPID HAIR DYE DID NOT COME OUT RIGHT! My hair is now a cool (as in opposite of warm) black tone rather than dark purple LIKE IT WAS SUPPOSE TO BE! ARGH!

This is terrible! I don't have time to fix it before SugoiCon.

Oh well. Chrome in the manga color spreads always seems to have black hair anyway. I'll just say I'm Chrome from the manga rather than the anime.

IT'S JUST SO FRUSTRATING!
straightrhodes: (One of Those Days)

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
and, uh, LJ Hiatus?

The month of November is going to be hell. I have a ton to do. I have a paper due in Anthropological Theory on Tuesday, SugoiCon on Friday-Sunday, Asian Arts Festival and several papers for it next week, Papers for Art History, Japanese Culture, and Chinese Culture. My Story for the KHR Exchange (shit, shit, shit I need to do that). I will be back briefly to post pictures from SugoiCon, and I may occassionally post comments on your journals, but other than that I shall vanish, probably for the next month and a half. Next semester I'm not taking so many hours though so life will be better. Hopefully *dies*
straightrhodes: (Get Off My Lawn!)
It's officially Oct. 25. WTF? Where did October go? Crap, crap, crap. I haven't even done the decorations for Halloween yet, usually I have a bunch up. Not to mention I haven't even started on my fic for the KHR Halloween exchange. Fuck! And SugoiCon is in less than two weeks! I need to finish my costume, and look around at hotels since the convention one is booked up. Plus with November comes a lot of work for my classes. Nooooo! I'm never taking so many paper writing centric classes again!

Also: People call and ask me to babysit, cause I am BROKE! I'm not gonna be able to buy much at the convention, *sniff*

Also II: I know I promised to have my Chrome FST up but iTunes is being a little bitch.

My life is getting away from me. I need to clean my room. (That always makes me feel better)
straightrhodes: (One of Those Days)
I don't have full blown TMJ but sometimes my jaw locks up and the only way to fix it is to dislocate it. Now my jaw is fucking killing me. It hurts far worse than it usually does when I have to dislocate it. It hurts to talk, to eat, to smile, to do anything involving my mouth (that sounds oddly dirty). I'm worried I might have to do to see the doctor. Fuck!

Damn. I suppose to go to Keeneland tomorrow to watch the horse races with my bestie, and then I babysit. Don't wanna!

Ugh. Give me pain killers!

Profile

straightrhodes: (Default)
straightrhodes

December 2011

S M T W T F S
    123
4567 8910
11121314151617
181920 21 222324
25262728293031

Syndicate

RSS Atom

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Jul. 24th, 2017 02:39 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios