straightrhodes: (text | frickin' reality)
[personal profile] straightrhodes
Blargh, I hate rain. It's been raining here forever.

Other news: Me and Erin avoided a big fight today, and I'm very proud of us both.

For those of you who don't know Erin is my best friend and probably worst enemy. We have a dangerously co-dependent relationship that over the years has swung from massive highs to unsafe lows. We fight and hurt each other but we always veered back to each other because at the end of the day we're closer than sisters and we always feel like we need each other.

It's not really the healthiest relationship.

Well for pretty much the first half of this year we were intent on driving the other mad, fighting all the time and pretty much being as hurtful as possible. It cumulated in a huge blowout over my birthday party and we both ended up saying things we didn't mean but couldn't take back. We decided to end the friendship.

Then my mom died.

And Erin was wonderful. She was so good with me and a huge comfort the first three weeks after, before she had to leave for Hawaii where she is going to grad school. Still we text and talk quite often and have both, though not in so many words, decided to try harder.

That was the problem, we both got so comfortable in our friendship that we stopped trying, and it was the lack of effort more than anything that killed our friendship.

Today we were having a conversation via texting about my potentially coming to Hawaii in May. I mentioned that if I came in May rather than over spring break I could spend a week in Honolulu and then a week hopping the other islands. Erin mentioned she hadn't gotten to see the other islands yet and I said she could come with me if she had the time.

Erin misunderstood. She thought I didn't really want her to do it and didn't really care to have her company, that I was using her as an excuse to visit Hawaii. She got upset because she felt excluded.

I explained I hadn't meant it like that at all, and I admit my original message was worded poorly. I just didn't want to impose or take up too much of her time. She had mentioned the possibility of summer courses to me a couple days ago and I hadn't wanted her to feel like she was obligated to entertain me when she had class or work to worry about.

Before, even before things got really really bad, I would have snapped back at her, and neither of us would have bothered explaining our thought processes out. Now I feel like we try a little harder to be clearer and more understanding with each other. I'm really hopeful that our friendship is heading to a better place, and I think it will if we both manage to hold on to our admittedly bad tempers.


Other than that life is really normal, like depressingly normal.
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straightrhodes

December 2011

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